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| | The Department of Transportation Announces New Vines To Help With Jungle Congestion | | |
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We've all been there. Dangling on a vine, going nowhere, waiting for the jungle traffic to get moving. How many times have you sat on your vine, pounding your chest, crying out for others to get moving, all to no avail? "Yesterday, it took me two hours to get from the Verranzano Branch to Vines Square! That should be a twenty minute swing! Something has got to give!" said one frustrated commuter yesterday. The complaints of urban jungle-dwellers about long commutes into the forest have not fallen on deaf ears. The Department of Transportation announced today that all two-vine trees will be expanded to four vines by late 2002. In addition, the D.O.T. announced that high occupancy vines (H.O.V.) would become a mainstay of all major jungle connectors. "We are moving this jungle into the 21st century," said Elizabeth Del Monte, head of the Department of Transportation. Unfortunately, the new vines won't solve everyone's problems. The next outcry may come from the treetops, as the massive construction project will be funded by a 2% tax on banana bunches. As expected, many apes are saying that they will switch to an all-leaf diet if the tax is put into effect. But it's a jungle out there, and a congested one at that. Most agree that something must be done. In the words of Del Monte, "Now is not the time to monkey around.... we need those new vines!" | ||||
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| | TCC News Jungle Congestion Top Ten List Lotsa Bananas Steven Peelberg | |
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