A.P.E., Indianapolis, IN -- As the Presidential race heats up, Vice-President Al Boar is near the top of the pack. We recently sat down with him for banana milkshakes at a small New Hampshire diner.

T.C.C.: Your goal is the White House. How would that change things on a personal level?

Boar: (laughs) Well, it would make midday naps much easier. I wouldn't have to use public bathrooms. And I'd get home on time for dinner, which I know would please my wife Hipper.

T.C.C.: Speaking of Hipper, she is well known for her beliefs on music. How do you feel about this issue?

Boar: I do feel that some of today's bands sing lyrics which negatively affect our youth. Bands such as Chimp Bizkit and Ol' Dirty Baboon have no business singing to kids. There are plenty of alternatives out there. Hipper's favorites are The Monkees and Bananarama.

T.C.C.: Top Monkeycrats have expressed concern about whether you are charismatic enough to lead the American people. Your comments?

Boar: I may not be as exciting as past presidents such as Harry Truchimp or Ronnie Bongo, but what most people don't know is that I'm really a hilarious, fun-loving guy... At least that's what Hipper & the kids tell me.

T.C.C.: Finally, I've got the ultimate Vice-President question for you: spell 'banana.'

Boar: B - A - N - A - N - A - E

T.C.C.: Well done.